Real life

  • They can swing from tree branch to tree branch, ones climbed up the empire state building, ones even gone to space but the NZ warriors cant win a grand final>
  • 50. Act naturally
    49. Found missing
    48. Resident alien
    47. Advanced BASIC
    46. Genuine imitation
    45. Airline food
    44. Good grief
    43. Same difference
    42 Almost exactly
    41. Government organization
    40. Sanitary landfill
    39. Alon
  • Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to
    steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
    getting it out of the plant and home. When they took it for a float
    on the Tilliguamish River, they were quite sur
  • Paleoanthropology Division
    Smithsonian Institute
    207 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, DC 20078

    Dear Sir:

    Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled
    "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull.&qu
  • 1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
    2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
    3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
    4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
    5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  • Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted>
    > English
    > 44A
    > Creative
    > Writing
    > Prof
    > Miller
    > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
    Panda Mating Fails; Vet
  • Here are a couple of classic Court transcripts,
    all recorded by the keepers of the word in various parts of the world...

    LAWYER: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim's vagina show?
    WITNESS: There were traces of semen.
  • From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
    They're things people actually said in court, word for word.

    Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What ge
  • These are signs in hotels and other public places in foreign countries
    where they make the effort to write signs in English but their efforts
    go astray.

    In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel

    A si
  • I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
    poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
    she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her
    that the ants are not harmful and ther
  • Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the
    following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during
    trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses.

    1. "Now doctor,
  • 1. If you lose your job, wait a few minutes and you'll get an even
    job at twice the salary.

    2. Never sleep with your boss or co-worker. Just kidding. You should
    both, often.

    3. A good way to unwind after a hard day at the office
  • Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report):

    * Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
    * Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
    * A room temperature IQ.
    * Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing
  • In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 cell
    >At work you spend most of your time in a 6 x 8 room
    >In prison you get 3 meals a day
    >At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that
  • These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in
    the July 21, 1997 issue of 'Fortune Magazine':

    1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
    2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet
  • Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:

    * His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
    * I would not breed from this officer.
    * He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satis
  • NEW YORK CITY - Seventeen year old Larry Reynolds was arrested in his
    high school's cafeteria yesterday for eating a sandwich containing
    peanut butter. The school which Reynolds attends had just banned the
    potentially lethal substance after learni
  • * Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and
    ears never stop growing.
    * David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars.
    He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be
  • An Air France bulletin, dated December 1, 1989, printed some signs and
    notices, written in English, that were collected from throughout the world.
    You have to give the writers an "E" for effort. Hope you enjoy them!

    * In a Tokyo Hotel

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