• 10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
    9. A better model is always just around the corner.
    8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
    7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
    6. They will do whatever you s
  • 10. Included subliminal "Impeach Janet Reno" messages in start-up
    9. New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site
    ending in ".gov," a message first appears reminding you that
    Microsoft is not
  • Three women are sitting in a bar talking about their love lives.

    The first one says, "My husband is an architect. When we make
    love it has power, it has form, it has function. It's incredible!"

    The second one says, "My husband i
  • Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

    Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen.
    A: Pick it up and shake it.

    Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
    A: Pick it up and shake it.

    Q: What's the
  • General Motors has countered claims by Microsoft boss Bill Gates that the motor manufacturers lag behind the computer industry.

    At a recent computer conference, Gates compared computers with cars and said: "If GM had kept up with technology l
  • In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system.
    Please fill out the following questionnaire before addressing them to
    LAN Services. With your co-operation we should be able to provide
    faster and more efficient fault resolution.
  • You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept
    and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone
    else a
    bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
    rights). You may, h
  • As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female
    (e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard Captain!").
    Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that
    computers should al
  • VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this
    morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software
    giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified
    number of shares o
  • Just weeks before the release date for Windows 98, Microsoft have
    announced that they are changed the name of the operating system to
    Diana in memory of the late Princess of Wales.
    A spokesman for Microsoft said there were obvious comparisons betw
  • If Andersen Consulting made toasters:
    It would be the first fully integrated holistic re-engineered simple
    yet radical interpersonal communicational wheat product leveraging
    visionary offering toaster on the market coming without the risk of
  • In answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a
    nerd?" I submit the following:

    Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute,
    assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 mln in
  • Your Servant: Bill Gates

    Customer: "Waiter!"
    Waiter: "Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?"
    Customer: "There's a fly in my soup!"
    Waiter: "Try again, maybe the fly
  • /*
    TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code
    Project: Chicago(tm)
    Projected release-date: Summer 1998
    #include "win31.h"
    #include "win95.h"
    #include "evenmore.h"
    #include "ol
  • If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
    And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
    And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
    Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report,
    If your cursor finds a menu item
  • 1. It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard
    to get any real work done.
    2. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
    considered vital to the survival of the species. Some peop
  • Some folks have it, some don't.

    Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

    Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's
    not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many
  • A 32-bit patch for a 16-bit GUI shell running on top of an
    8-bit operating system written for a 4-bit processor by a
    2-bit company who cannot stand 1 bit of competition.
  • Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations

    REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by
    the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that
    it will be acquiring the federal government of t
  • A low-cost alternative to computer upgrades that has been identified. This solution also addresses the Y2K (Year 2000) problem.
    All computers will be removed from desktops by Jan. 1, 1999, and each employee will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.

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