The Top 16 Signs Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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16> His idea of a key immunity deal involves penicillin shots.
15> Open argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo
Head" could hurt your case.
14> Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange.
13> In the middle of your trial, he crawls underneath the bench
and actually tries to "please the court."
12> Uses rhyming couplets like Johnny Cochran, but they all end
with "Nantucket."
11> Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
10> Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser
Troll."
9> A closer look at his diploma reveals it's from Yale
Lock School.
8> The only question she can come up with during cross-
examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?"
7> Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting
from the jury.
6> Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he
screams, "Yahtzee!"
5> Dental problem forces her to use short, concise sentences
comprised of commonly used, clearly understood words.
4> Instead of saying "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls
his eyes and says, "Whatever."
3> Claims staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the
"discovery" processes.
2> Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.

and Top5's Number 1 Sign Your Lawyer Isn't Working Out...

1> "Nice breasts, Your Honor."

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