42 WAYS TO AMUSE YOURSELF IN UNIVERSITY LECTURES (OR ANY LECTURES FOR
THAT MATTER) As printed in the University of Otago Rag: CRITIC.
1. Slingshot + Box of giant jaffas = FUN!
2. Take a crate of Speights (MUST BE SPEIGHTS) and a portable telly
to watch the rugby. Cheer loudly.
3. Lip-sync along with the lecturer
4. Keep clumsily moving seats to find the "sweet spot"
5. Take a 200 page refill pad and write one word of your notes on
each page.
6. Stare aggresively at your lecturer and use sign language to
indicate your intention to kill him/her.
7. Point at the whiteboard a lot and say loudly "Yes! I get it! Of
course!" remember...loudly.
8. Get jiggy wit' it.
9. Read your neighbours notes, edit them if you disagree.
10. Sit in the front ans spend the whole lecture looking back over
your shoulder at class mates.
11. "Lose Contraol" of your sipper bottle and drench the person in
front of you
12. Try to get everything explained twice ie,
the lecturer: "okay let's start now...."
you: "Can we please go over that agin?"
13. Use mirror writing
14. Write your notes in crayon.
15. Start a Mexican wave.
16. Take notes using an antique typewriter.
17. Organise for a kindergarten class to visit mid-lecture...do not
inform the lecturer.
18. Use the opportunity of a captive audience to practise you
interpretive dance routines (will not work in an interpretive dance
class)
19. Scratching you name into the desk is passe, Blowtorches on the
other hand.
20. Ask questions that begin with lenghty explanations of how the
lecture topic relates to your own experiences in childhood. Use
overhead projections to illustrate key points.
21. Pretend to fall asleep, the have noisy nightmares about being
back in 'Nam.
22. Read the notes of a friend who took the same course last year.
Look really intelligent and annoy the lecturer by explaining exactly
what they were about to say.
23. Sell advertising rights to the lecture theatre. Put up banners
and overheads promoting the product.
24. Take a cellphone. Call your friend who's sick in bed and relate
the entire lecture to them.
25. Suddenly yell "VIVE LA REVOLUTION!" and start burning your notes.
26. In the middle of class go to the front , shake the lecturer
fir,ly by the hand, explain what a waste of time their class is, wish
them a fond farewell, walk out, come back and sit down again.
27. Chuckle to yourself as if everything the lecturer says is
apersonal joke between the two of you at everyone else's expense.
28. Nail yourself to your chair, then when eveyone else gets up to
leave, you won't be able to, which isn't very funny really...
29. Practise your tap dancing under the desk.
30. Take a thermos of coffee, and a double pack of gingernut cookies. slup
and crunch loudly.
31. Ignore the lecturer (shouldn't be too hard), and whistle loudlt
to yourself, while knitting a pair of snuggly winter mittens.
32. Take a sleeping bag and a pillow. Stretch out at the back of the
lecture theatre.
33. Cough loudly for thirty seconds, then gasp and let your body go
totally limp. Works every time.
34. Touch your nose with your togue. If you're unsuccessful, touch
your neighbour's nose.
35. Count how many times your lecturer says "um" at the end of the
semester give prizes for the least and the most.
36. Imagine the lectire theatre is a spaceship and you are the pilot.
use Use you pen or ruler as the control stick and make cool laser gun
noises.
37. Tickle yourself
38. Write down all of the things you like about the lecturer: their
style, their hair, their content, maybe even their name. Sign the
list and give it to them at the end of the class. This acts as a warm
fuzzy and a good suck upo if you are failing.
39. Play peek-a-boo with the lecturer. ie. "Ican see you, yes I
caaan, oh yes I can....where did you go....oh theeer you are
silly-billy."
40. Sit on your hand until it goes to sleep, then touch yourself and
it will fell like someone else hand.
41. Count how many people are in the lecture theatre. Make sure you
count out loud.
42. Try apying attention and taking concise, neat lecture notes. it's
hilarious.
