Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the
known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on
your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are
And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This
makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in
the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect
stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you.
Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person
about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world.
You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured
truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets
at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally
you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos
RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because
now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone
especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because
nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the
partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or
You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you
are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do
anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to
impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in
the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who
wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at
the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because
you're still SMART you know all the words.