You think your English is bad

An Air France bulletin, dated December 1, 1989, printed some signs and
notices, written in English, that were collected from throughout the world.
You have to give the writers an "E" for effort. Hope you enjoy them!

* In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a
person to do such a thing is please not to read notice.
* In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for next day. During
that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
* In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backward, and only when lit up.
* In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing
floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a
number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national
* In Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
* In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours 9 and 11 AM. daily.
* In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear withpleasure is the
job of the chambermaid.
* In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
* In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
* In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors
during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
* On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
* On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm own make: limpidred beet soup
with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger: roasted duck let loose: beef
rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
* Outside a Hong-Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
* In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
* Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
* In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we
will execute customers in strict rotation.
* From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by
150.000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over
the past two years.
* A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our
black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, man
and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each
other for that purpose.
* In Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guest of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for
this purpose.
* In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentists: Teeth extracted by the
latest Methodists.
* In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the
afternoon havinga good time.
* In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city
tours - We guarantee no miscarriages.
* Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on
your own ass?
* In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today - no ice cream.
* In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if
dressed as a man.
* In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
* In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in
all directions.
* On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the
USSR, you are welcome to it.
* In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children
in the bar.
* In a Budapest Zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any
suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
* In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
* In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water
served here.
* In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they
are best in the long run.
* From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air condition:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please
control yourself.
* From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot
heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if
he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
* Two signs from a Moroccan shop entrance: -English well speaking -Here
speeching American

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