Resumes

These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in
the July 21, 1997 issue of 'Fortune Magazine':

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. It's best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.

1. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
2. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
3. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
4. I am loyal to my employer at all costs ...
Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.'
5. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
absolutely nothing.
6. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
7. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
8. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
0. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
1. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
2. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I
have never quit a job.
3. Marital status: often. Children: various.
4. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees
get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. Could not work under those
conditions.
5. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
6. Finished eighth in my class of ten.
7. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.

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