One evening in the White House, Bill and Hillary went to bed. Later that night, Hillary woke up needing to go to the bathroom. So she rolled over to wake Bill up and he said, " what is Hillary." Hillary said, " I need to go to the bathroom" and Bill said," so why did you wake me up?" and Hillary told him, " so you could save my spot."
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Q) What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?
A) They both have a slot the says " insert BILL here "
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Favourite things from the movie "The Sound of Music"
The Bill Clinton version:
Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places,
Big Macs and french fries and girls with big faces,
Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie spring,
These are a few of my favourite things
Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers,
Horny young interns who while 'way the hours,
Profits from futures that Hillary brings,
These are a few of my favourite things
Beating the draft board and getting elected,
Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected,
Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing,
These are a few of my favourite things.
Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury,
Falling down drunk that required knee surgery
Stars in the White House who come here to sing,
These are a few of my favourite things.
Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony,
States of the Union with lots of baloney,
Winning debates and the joy of my flings,
These are a few of my favourite things
When that Jones bites,
When Ken Starr stings,
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
How about another stanza or two----------------?
Buying elections with money from China,
Putting my hands on Lewinski's vagina,
Selling our secrets so Wong never sings,
These are a few of my favourite things.
Taking my family and friends on vacation,
Disguised as state visits from nation to nation,
Great photo ops of the wall and Beijeng's,
These are a few of my favourite things.
When the tapes run,
When I'm Tripped up,
And I'm feeling sad.
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
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Bill Clinton went out the front door of the white house to pick up the morning paper when he noticed someone had written "Clinten You are a Loser" in pee in the snow. He was furious stormed inside and rang the chief of the FBI and demanded to know who was responsible. The FBI sent over a team of experts to do every possible test on the message. At 4pm that afternoon the chief went to the White House to brief the President. Well what is it asked the president . "I have some bad news and some very bad news Mr President" said the chief. "Whats the bad news?" asked the president. Sir the bad news is the DNA test revealed the urine was Al Gores. "WHAT" shout the president "after all the support I have given him." "Thats not all sir " said the chief "there is even worse news "What is it asked the president?" Its Hillary's hand writing !!
