*One day, God calls on Adam & says, "Adam, I have some good news and
bad news. The good news is that I gave you a penis and a brain. Bad
news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one at a time"
*How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm? Wipe your penis on
*What's the difference between a golf ball and woman's G-spot? A man
will look 20 minutes for a golf ball.
*Why was the blonde's belly button sore? Her boyfriend was a blonde
*What part of a woman does a man like looking at best? The top of her
*Why does a penis have a hole in the end of it? So men can be open
*Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut.
*What's the first thing a blonde does when she wakes up? Goes home.
*Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't
stop to ask directions!
*What do men and sperm have in common? Both have one-in-a-million
chance of becoming a human being.
*Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus? It turns your
hard drive into a 3 1/2 floppy!
*Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So
which is the dumber sex?
*A single man in his 40's often has a problem finding women at his
level of maturity. That's why he dates someone half his age.
*What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? Close the door!
*If they can put one man on the moon, they should be able to put
them all there.
*Tell him you are not his type...You have a pulse.
*Wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some
fun with the wrong ones.
*Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander? - It's too
little to be let out alone.
*The only reason men are on the planet is that vibrators can't dance
or buy the drinks.
*Go for younger men...you might as well, they never mature anyway.
*There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -
don't and stop.
*When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it.
*Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen
a man get on a bus ahead of one?
*Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear miniskirts? Because their
*What do you call a fly buzzing around inside a man's head? A Space
*I finally got my husband to do some gardening, but he broke his
legs raking leaves. He fell out of the tree...
*Why are men lousy cooks 1.) Because they don't know how to preheat
before they put the meat in. 2.) Because every time the cookbook
says "double the recipe" they try to heat the oven to 700 degrees.
*How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to
do the dishes? Both of them.