MARRIAGE QUIPS

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. --David
Bissonette

I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
--Noel Coward, 1956

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to
let him keep her. --Sacha Guitry

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat
in Europe. --Jackie Mason

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to
get in, and those inside desperate to get out. --Montaigne

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they
just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
--Hemant Joshi


Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring,
and suffering.

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble
starts when they try to decide which one.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After
marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to
every word you say, talk in your sleep.

WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE??

"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to
give her back to her parents." --Eric, Age 6

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose
to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or
at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do
one particular thing for me.'" Then she says yes, but she's
wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She
can't wait to find out." --Anita, Age 9

HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY??

"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails
means you try the next one." --Kally, Age 9

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind.... That's what
I'll do.... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome."
--Carolyn, Age 8

CONCERNING THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED.

"Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don't have to work
anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in
your bedroom." --Carolyn, Age 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife."
--Bert, Age 5

HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET??

"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went
for a drive, but their car broke down. It was a good thing,
because it gave them a chance to find out about their values."
--Lottie, Age 9

"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They
won't tell me what kind." --Jeremy, Age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that
usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
--Martin, Age 10

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about
love." --Craig, Age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy
her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos
of the wedding." --Allan, Age 10

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing
thing if anybody sees you. If nobody sees you, I might be
willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
--Kally, Age 9

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??

"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan." --Kirsten,
Age 10

"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them." --Anita, Age 9

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a
kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." --Will, Age 7

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