11th-hour tweaks for Windows 98

10. Included subliminal "Impeach Janet Reno" messages in start-up
screen.
9. New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site
ending in ".gov," a message first appears reminding you that
Microsoft is not a monopoly.
8. Source code no longer ones and zeros--try 666s and zeros.
Windows start-up theme, played backward, says, "Here's to my
sweet Satan."
7. Comes with check for $50 that, if cashed, puts your name on an
Internet petition telling the DOJ to buzz off *and* changes your
long distance carrier to AT&T.
6. New desktop icon--click once, and $1 will go directly from
your checking account into the Microsoft Legal Defense Fund.
5. Added new template to preinstalled version of Word: "Letter to
the editor expressing delight with Microsoft products."
4. Freebie computer-controlled Barney doll has been reprogrammed
to say, "Big government is sca-a-ary. Janet tried to hurt me."
3. TV function scrambles C-Span during antitrust hearings.
2. Desktop display with countdown tracking number of copies of
Windows 98 that must yet be bought to prevent worldwide economic
collapse!
1. Last-minute name change: was "Windows 98," now "Windows:
Assimilate."

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