bra-jumper leads
A bra and a set of jumper leads walked into a bar and asked for two tui's the bar man said"sorry i cant serve you." the bra and jumper leads answered back"why not" the bar man said"your off your tits and you lock like your about to start something".
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bar joke
Two men walk into a bar.........
The second one didnt see it either
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Things you cant say wen ur drunk
Specificity
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
British Constitution
Impossible Words To Say When You Are Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want sex.
No, I don't want another drink.
No kebab for me thank you.
Sorry, but
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drink driving
From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Texas. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that
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Personalitys
The results:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless y
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Investment Advice
If you had bought ?1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be
worth ?49.00.
With Enron, you would have ?16.50 of the original ?1,000.00.
With Worldcom, you would have less than ?5.00 left.
If you had bought ?1,000.00 worth of
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ADDITIONAL WARNINGS FOR BEER LABELS
THE TOP 13 ADDITIONAL WARNINGS THE FDA IS CONSIDERING FOR BEER LABELS
13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
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TOP TEN REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN JESUS
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don't knock on peopl
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A herd of buffalo...
The following is an actual excerpt from this month's Forbe's Magazine:
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
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Bar Room Translations
1. "You get this one, next round is on me."
(We won't be here long enough to get another round.)
2. "I'll get this one, next one is on you."
(Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round
they
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NEW ZEALAND BOARD OF HEALTH
THE NEW ZEALAND BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT
WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF
DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PERIL OF POUNDING A PINT
OR TWO.
1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with
breath that co
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Problems and Solutions
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
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5 stages of drunkenness
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the
known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on
your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are
always RIGHT.
And of course the p
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