Drugs Alcohol

  • A bra and a set of jumper leads walked into a bar and asked for two tui's the bar man said"sorry i cant serve you." the bra and jumper leads answered back"why not" the bar man said"your off your tits and you lock like your about to start something".
  • Two men walk into a bar.........

    The second one didnt see it either
  • The results:
    Drink: Beer
    Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
    Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
    Drink: Blender Drinks
    Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.
    Your Approach: Avoid her, unless y
  • From the State where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Texas. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern.
    Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that
  • Specificity
    Indubitably
    Innovative
    Preliminary
    Proliferation
    Cinnamon
    British Constitution

    Impossible Words To Say When You Are Drunk:
    Thanks, but I don't want sex.
    No, I don't want another drink.
    No kebab for me thank you.
    Sorry, but
  • If you had bought ?1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be
    worth ?49.00.
    With Enron, you would have ?16.50 of the original ?1,000.00.
    With Worldcom, you would have less than ?5.00 left.
    If you had bought ?1,000.00 worth of
  • 10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
    9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
    8. Beer has never caused a major war.
    7. They don't force beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
    6. When you have beer, you don't knock on peopl
  • THE TOP 13 ADDITIONAL WARNINGS THE FDA IS CONSIDERING FOR BEER LABELS

    13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
    12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
  • Stage 1 - SMART
    This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the
    known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on
    your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are
    always RIGHT.
    And of course the p
  • The following is an actual excerpt from this month's Forbe's Magazine:

    A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
  • 1. "You get this one, next round is on me."
    (We won't be here long enough to get another round.)

    2. "I'll get this one, next one is on you."
    (Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round
    they
  • THE NEW ZEALAND BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT
    WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF
    DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PERIL OF POUNDING A PINT
    OR TWO.

    1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with
    breath that co
  • SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
    FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
    ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

    SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
    FAULT: Glass empty.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
 

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