Religion

  • Did you hear of your man that went to lourdes ina wheel chair!! they pushed him into the holy water and he came out with a brand new set of tyres.
  • A man dies and floats to heaven, where he finds outside the pearly gates a huge queue of people waiting to get in. As he draws closer to the gates he begins to eavesdrop on St.Peters conversations with the dead.

    The first lady approaches St.Peter,
  • At the ecumenical meeting, the Baptist pastor reported problems with possums in his church roof. Several ministers offered to help get rid of them.
    The Assemblies of God choir and big band arrived, hoping the loud music, singing and clapping would
  • Whats the diffrents between sadamhusan and sperm
    one came from bagdad the other came from dadsbag
  • How do you make a Nun pregnant?
    Dress her up as an ulter boy!
  • The Pope was seriously considering evicting the Jews from Rome. The Jews of course didn't want to leave so the Pope decided there would be a debate. Now as the Pope couldn't speak Hebrew and the Rabbi couldn't speak Italian it was agreed that it woul
  • Top ten ways the Bible would be different if it were written by
    University students

    10. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
    9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and
    written in a large font.
    8. N
  • Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had
    two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to
    split them between Adam and Eve.

    He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the
    ability to s
  • A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope
    was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the gentleman. I've
    always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in
    person. Imagine his
  • It was getting a little crowded in heaven, so God decided to change
    the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
    Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy
    would go into effect at noon the following
  • God created the mule, and told him, 'you will be Mule, working
    constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat
    grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.
    The mule answered: 'To live like this for 50
  • A preacher wanted to earn money for his church. He had heard there was
    big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter it
    in a race. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was
    too steep, so the preacher en
  • A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection
    plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be
    able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. "And just how would
    I go about doing that?&qu
  • This guy decided to go out for a round of golf. On the 3rd tee, he hooks
    his shot into the rough. When he gets to the ball, he sees a man in a green suit
    knocked unconcious. When the man comes to, the golfer apologizes but the man
    in green says, &
  • A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

    The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about
    getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka
    next to the water
  • One day the different parts of the body were having an
    argument to see which should be in charge.

    The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
    important and I should be in charge."

    The eyes said "I see everything and l
 

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